Netflix and Chilling? GO F@!k YOURSELF. / by Dan Mayer

This is one of those social behavioral moments that makes me profoundly glad not to be a heterosexual woman looking for a relationship.

Netflix and Chilling? Are you fucking kidding me? Maybe this is a generational thing. Maybe the idea of "dating" is an inconvenience we can no longer tolerate. How sad for us. Or rather, how sad for you, since I'm judging you from behind the firewall of a happy marriage. How did I get here? I did my goddamned time, like all of us humans should, dating, pining, humiliating myself, and exulting in the minor ecstasies of forming new relationships. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes not. What it wasn't, and what it never should be, was convenient.

You've already got Tindr. You don't have to go to a bar and hope for a random, sloppy hallway hook-up. You don't have to have your friends try to set you up with someone they (mistakenly) think you'll like. No awkward, face-to-face stumbling as you create your initial impressions of each other. You already get to skip all of that.

Now you want to skip the excitement and weirdness of really getting to know the person you've met through your app. You want to cut out the part where your insecurities get exposed. You want to skip the part of courtship where you have to give that other person an opportunity to decide that you're not really worth their time. Netflix and chilling? You know who does that?

People in the second year of their relationship. People that might or might not be in love but are already indulging in taking each other for granted. Netflix and chilling is this year's "friends with benefits," a way of saying that you don't want to commit to the effort of going out and having experiences in the world together. You want to watch TV and eat ice cream and maybe have sex, but you don't want to spend money or time, or take any chances.

Netflix and chilling? You lazy little toad. Step up your game. Ask someone out to coffee. Then dinner. Go for a walk somewhere beautiful, and risk revealing something interesting about your inner life. Be a grownup. 

Or not. I'm sure you can find someone who would be totally happy to settle right in to splash around with you in your little emotional kiddie pool. Don't be surprised if you lose track of what satisfaction feels like.